


I lost you

by novera_nope



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 14:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13706301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novera_nope/pseuds/novera_nope
Summary: Brienne was declared dead - or rather,undead. Then it turns out she's not, and Jaime struggles to cope.





	I lost you

The great hall of Winterfell was full of whispers that evening. _Could it really be her? I'm sure it's a trap. She was seen with the army of the dead, the queen must be turning as mad as her father if she's allowing her to enter this place. We're doomed! She'll kill us all and –_

Queen Daenerys shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, and looked up at Jon questioningly. “Shall we let her in?”

When Jon nodded gravely, Daenerys raised her voice, looking at the guards. “We're ready to meet the Lady Brienne of Tarth, now.” She tapped her fingers against the untouched glass of wine in front of her, an uncharacteristically nervous gesture. 

Silence fell as Brienne was escorted into the hall by four heavily armed men, including Grey Worm. She only looked up when he pressured her onto her knees. 

“My Queen,” she nodded respectfully to Daenerys, before turning her look to Jon. “My King.”

Daenerys rose from her seat. “Let us not waste time with formalities,” she said solemnly, not quite successful in hiding the distress from her voice. “I don't understand. How is this possible? Several of my people have sworn they saw you marching with the White Walkers.” 

“And march with them I did, my Queen.” Brienne said. “Out of my own volition, but without being one of them.”

“How do I know this is true?” Daenerys cocked her head questioningly, and the assembled crowd started to steer up. 

_Burn her! Burn her to see if she's with the army of the dead!_

The memory of Jaime's words at Harrenhall struck Brienne hard. _”Burn them all”, he said. “Burn them in their homes. Burn them in their beds.”_ She couldn't help but look away, feeling slightly nauseous. “If you'll burn me, I die. But it'll be because I'm human, not because I'm a wight.”

“Can you prove –”

At that point, the doors opened with a great bang, and Jaime Lannister stumbled into the great hall. All colour drained from his face when he saw Brienne. He started to approach her, disbelieve clear in his eyes, but he was held back by the guards. 

_Jaime_ was here?

Their eyes met for a moment and a jolt of happiness shot through her whole body. _He was here._ She immediately felt more confident. With some difficulty, she willed herself to look away from him and prepared herself to answer Daenerys' question.

“You've _seen_ them,” she simply said, her voice suddenly loud and clear. “And now you see _me_ , standing here before you. Do you really believe I'm one of them?”

“No.” Daenerys' answer was immediate. “But how did you convince _them_ that you were, I wonder? And why would you join their circle, willingly?” 

“The idea entered my mind some time ago, when someone told me my eyes were astonishingly blue.” Brienne felt the familiar blush creeping over her cheeks, even though only one person present knew whom she was talking about – and it wasn't the Queen. “I thought that maybe, I could pull it off and infiltrate the ranks of those creatures. And that maybe, I could find out how to defeat them.”

“You're a courageous woman,” Daenerys stated, respect clear in her voice. 

Jon cleared his voice ostentatively and Brienne's eyes flew to his. “Did you?” he asked. “Find a way to defeat them?”

Brienne sighed. “No. However, I do know where they're planning to strike, and when.”

“That's crucial information.” The Queen said sounded pleased. “I propose you use this evening to take some well deserved rest while I consult the King and my Hand, and then we'll meet tomorrow morning to discuss further tactics.”

Brienne nodded in agreement, and at that point the crowd started shouting out their disappointment at the turn of events. She didn't care about them, though. She turned around towards the person she _did_ care about – only to find that he was gone. 

***

During the next couple of days, Brienne neither saw or heard anything from Jaime, up the point where it almost felt like his appearance in the great hall had been just a figment of her imagination. After all, the last time she'd seen him he'd been in King's Landing, still hung up on that awful sister of his. 

On the other hand, there was no one else who could've stirred up those feelings in her with a simple look. No one but _him_. 

When four days later, she finally had the guts to ask Tyrion about it, he looked at her like she was insane. 

“Of course that was Jaime.” He cocked his head, studying her for a moment, and the next he started to laugh like he'd heard a joke only he was privy to. “You don't have a clue, do you?” 

When it became clear that Brienne wasn't going to answer that, he turned serious. “I didn't notice it for a long time, either. But then I saw the way you talked to him down the pit, at King's Landing – no one else would have gotten away with that, girl. And that's when it became clear to me.”

That – wasn't an answer, at all. “I have no idea what you're trying to say, Tyrion.”

Tyrion smirked. “As I said: you're clueless. You'll find out, Brienne.” He patted her arm briefly. “Be good to my brother, will you?” he added as an afterthought, leaving her with more questions than answers. 

***

After a ten-hour-long meeting with Daenerys, Jon and the Hand, Brienne had basically had nothing to do. She longed for some sparring, and more than once, she'd considered seeking out Jaime. Every time though, she remembered his ghostly face when he'd seen her in the hall, and she told herself she had to give him time. He'd find her when he was ready. 

When he finally did, he did it unceremoneously – like she should have expected. Still, she trembled the moment he entered her room without even knocking, his face gaunt and furious, his left hand in the air like he was going to hit her – a move which she could've blocked easily, but didn't even begin to counter as she knew he was never going to actually do it. Not like this, not when they weren't sparring. 

He didn't. 

He lowered his hand, and then he just stood there, staring at her. As the light from the fire flickered, highlighting the planes of his face, Brienne felt a pang of longing shoot through her whole body. 

_Gods, but how she'd missed that face._

“Jaime?” she asked tentatively when the moment stretched. “What are you doing here? At Winterfell, I mean.” She was honestly curious what had brought him to leave his home town – and his sister. 

Jaime let out a harsh laugh that almost sounded like a bark. “What am _I_ doing here? I'm not the one who was declared dead, and then returned after all.” He sounded positively livid. 

“I did what I thought I had to do, Jaime,” Brienne said softly. “I don't understand why you're so angry about it.”

“You don't understand.” Jaime repeated, looking at her like she'd gone mad. In three steps, he was right in front of her, and the hand that she'd so wrongly assumed had been on the verge of hitting her, came up to gently cradle her cheek. “How could you?” he whispered. “How could you do that?” Gone was the anger; instead, he looked utterly broken. 

“Jaime? Please, listen –“ 

“No, _you_ listen,” he hissed, face scrunched up in pain. “I _lost_ you. When I arrived here, they said that you were dead. That you'd become one of those creatures. I – I lost you. And I didn't know how to – go on any more.”

Brienne felt her eyes sting, instinctively putting her own hand over his. “Jaime, please. I couldn't tell anyone, let alone send you a message which could be intercepted.”

Jaime shook his head, laughing almost hysterically and letting both of their hands drop in the process. “By the gods, but you're thick! Of course you couldn't let me know, but why on earth did you embark on such a mission in the first place? Why put yourself in such danger, when... when I –“

“We need to defeat the White Walkers, Jaime, or we're all doomed,” Brienne countered. “Which you're well aware of. I thought –”

“You _thought_ ,” Jaime interrupted her in a strangled voice. “But you didn't even once think of _me_.” 

Brienne met his eyes, only to see there were tears in them. “I think of you all the time!” The words left her mouth before she could stop them. “But I don't see –”

“You think of me all the time?” Jaime interrupted her, his voice urgent. “You – think of me?” 

Brienne was shaken by the sudden blaze in his look. “Jaime?”

And then his lips were against hers. 

_Oh._

For a moment, she just stood there, perplexed, but then she hesistantly kissed him back, following his lead. This was _Jaime_ , whom she trusted blindly – even in this. 

_Especially in this._ Brienne would be lying if she'd claimed she'd never thought about this before, in the safe cocoon of her own bed – him kissing her, him touching her, him doing all the things to her that people talked about so easily but she'd never actually experienced herself. 

When his tongue touched hers – insistent, claiming – , she melted against him, lost in the scent of him, in the feeling of his arms around her, in the way he pulled her against him as if he was never going to let go. _She_ wasn't planning on ever letting him go, either, she decided right there and then. 

She did, however, pull away when she felt the kiss grow salty and she realized that Jaime was actually crying. “Jaime? Are you alright?” 

“I'm sorry,” he whispered, looking away towards the sizzling flames. “I should've let you know how I felt a long time ago. Then maybe you wouldn't have done such a foolish thing in the first place.”

“Well, now I know,” Brienne offered, feeling completely overwhelmed. “And I'm – by the gods, but I'm happy.” She smiled tentatively. “But you must realize – I'm still going to fight against those... _things_. Every one of us has to, or there'll be nothing left to fight for. You must realize that.”

Jaime smiled up at her through his tears. “I do, you stubborn wench. And I'm here to fight with you, every step of the way. But I'd very much appreciate it if in the future, you don't embark on completely suicidal missions on your own, you know.”

Brienne felt a warmth spread in her chest. “We'll fight them together, then.”

“Yes,” Jaime's eyes locked with hers. “Together.”

He never left that night. Or any night after that.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while, so happy if you let me know what you think!!


End file.
